A while back, I posted a “Dirt on Zak Bagans” blog entry that has since become far and away the most popular post on Fortean Squirrel. This blog has never gotten tons of hits, but the Zak post used to easily receive over a thousand per week. The comments, in particular, would make me laugh. How many fans named Anonymous does the GAC have?!?
In an effort to continue the fun at the expense of others, I now present a satirical jab at the stars of SyFy‘s Ghost Hunters, Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson. And yes, this is just parody. Don’t get your panties in a bunch, TAPS fanatics. I’m just having a little fun, as well as discussing a few of the rumors on the internet.
The first rumor refers to Jason Hawes. When he brought his dog, Maddie, aboard the TAPS team, people originally mistook her for his wife.
The rumors are abound, too, about his co-star Grant Wilson. Is it true he will be leaving the show because of an illness? Some have speculated that it is cancer. Rose O’Donnell once told an employee that liars get cancer. Jay and Grant have ben faking evidence and lying about it for years. Maybe Rosie was right after all.
Hawes uses a particularly odd style of moisturizer before shaving his head, according to the dirt sheets. Apparently, he has Joe Chin ejaculate into his hand, then he spreads it liberally around his bald chrome dome. After letting it dry, he peels off the sperm-y skull cap and shaves as normal. No word on what he does with the hat, but if he is anything like those weirdos that eat the placenta…
Grant Wilson would use a secret word with female fans in chat rooms as a signal to log into a private room and engage in extramarital cyber sex. In the chat, all Grant had to do was type, “BLAMMO!” at the ladies fell over themselves to head on over. Google it. It’s there. I even tweeted it to him once and was blocked immediately. There was certainly something going on with that word.
Another rumor states that Jay and Grant used to mutually masturbate each other and sodomize one another with Maglites. Now you know where the phrase, “flashlight experiment” that they use on Ghost Hunters came from.
Okay, I suppose that is enough rumors for now. We’ll see if one of them is actually true in the coming days, when Ghost Hunters makes their big announcement concerning a cast member.
As far as the others, perhaps confirmation or denial will never come. We just have to use our best judgment. Personally, I choose to believe some of them.
What about you?